Silver Savior - the Rear View Mirror

Once again we are drawn to the ingenuity of the Southern Inventor and Repairman.  Here is the situation:  We've all been there.  The rear view mirror has come loose.  Now, back when I was a younger man, I would probably have searched high and low for a special glue made to glue the mirror back to the windshield.  I'm sure it exists.  After all, what did they use to stick it up there to begin with?

But the Suthun Man is not so foolish as to waste his time seeking adhesive gels which may or may not exist.  He's already got the 8th wonder of the world right there in the tool box.  That most Silver of Saviours (yes, the European spelling if you please) DUCK TAPE. (I hear some of you out there saying that it should be DUCT tape, but that is just not so.)

Our Suthun Repair Man (woman?  Can there be a Suthun Woman with repair skills of this level?) has taken his roll of Duck Tape and used it to put the mirror back in place.  Since he has no way of securing the mirror to the windshield, he's secured it to the Sun Visors!  Enough to hold it in place...along with a little more to make sure it doesn't hit the GPS device...and  he (or she) is set.

My only question here is what do you do when someone gets in the car who needs to re-position the mirror?    I can only guess that there is a roll of Silver Goodness in the glove box.  All good cars and trucks in the south come so equipped.  Well....they should.

When you need BBQ done PDQ

Recently I went to a catered affair where they served Barbecue Sandwiches.  In fact, that is the very sandwich pictured above.  You can just imagine the stares I got as I whipped out my camera phone and lined up the shot.  One person even asked, "Pray tell, good sir, why dost thou capture this fine sandwich in a photo?"  (Ok, so they may have said this a lot different and with a couple of expletives, but the effect was the same.) 

This, in my untrained opinion, is SOUTHERN Barbecue.  Neighbor Bubba, aka Lord of All Things Barbecue, (not to be confused with brother Bubba, the retired schoolteacher, "Programs! Programs! Get your programs rat-cheer! Can't tell your Bubbas without a program! Sorry, I digress..) tells me that there are several types of barbecue identified by their region.  These include South Carolina, North Carolina, and Memphis just covering the South (There are always others, he says, but not worth mentioning.)  Then you got Kansas City Style, Texas Style and maybe even Western (which covers everything else west of the Mississippi that is not Texas.)

There are mainly two ways in which the meat gets the spice, wet and dry.  Wet uses a sauce and Dry uses a spice rub which is adhered to the outside of the meat before cooking.  Bubba uses a dry rub mixture which he combines under strict secrecy.  And most who use a dry rub, or smoking, also have a sauce much like the aforementioned sandwich, which is squirted on before eating. 

It is no secret on this blog that I am from the West. Colorado to be specific.  I grew up with Barbecue Sauce from a jar (yes, it's a sin, let's not get out the torches and pitchforks just yet) and the sauce was put on the meat as it cooked, giving it a sticky sweet and yet spicy coating. This falls into the Texas or Western style Barbecue and mmmmm my mouth is watering as I write this just thinking about the barbecue I ate growing up.   

But, let's return to the prior plastic plate o' pulled pork properly pictured (alliteration - Brother Bubba the retired English teacher will probably swoon.)  This, to my western eyes is Southern Barbecue. (Yes, neighbor Bubba will most likely hit me with a bag of briquettes, but I don't care!)  In this case, it means a plate of roasted pork which is then pulled off the bone and piled onto a bun. (They also had roasted and pulled turkey that day, but that seemed just wrong.)

The Sauce, a thin spicy mixture, is then poured (or in this case squirted out of a plastic bottle) all over the top of the meat.  I have a hard time with this kind of barbecue. First is, of course, that it is not the barbecue of my youth and my memory glands are complaining that "This is not barbecue...this is just meat and sauce."   My young brain wants sauce cooked on the meat!  But if my youth crazed brain would just step back, it would see that the two are not that much different.  All that is missing is the carmelization of sauce during cooking. I ate the aforementioned sandwich, even though the memory glands were not happy.  And, yes, it was a tasty dish. And yes, I got a lot of stink eye from those around me wondering what I might be up to next.

Unbeknownst to neighbor Bubba  I will most likely continue to cook my barbecue meats with the sauce slathered on it, hoping for that caramelized-and-almost-black-n-crunchy and oh-so-tasty coating that beckons from my youth.  Bubba (both of them) will just have to put up with it.  

Southerners on TV

In recent months, I've begun to take notice of a pattern in the media, most notably television, in which the Southerner is depicted as something altogether different than the normal man. And by 'different', I mean 'STRANGE.'  At first, it would seem interesting to look in to the lives of those who live in The South, but then you see the show and one begins to think "Gee, are ALL southerners like this?"

I'm referencing a group of television shows (REALITY shows) which show a group of Southerners doing things that the rest of us just would not do.  Shows like these:

DUCK DYNASTY:  Though I haven't seen this show, I am able to glean from the commercials that it is about a couple of good ol' boys who turned a love of duck hunting into a million dollar business selling duck calls.  What I get from the commercials is that the guys would rather go duck hunting than run their business. Lots of big beards and hi-jinks ensue.

BAYOU BILLIONAIRE$:  This is the story of a man named Jed, out shootin' for some food, just to keep his family fed...  Oops. Sorry.  In a modern day rags to riches story, Bayou Billionaires tells the story of the Dowdens of Shreveport, La. -- a hardworking family of modest means who recently discovered their home sits on the fourth largest deposit of natural gas in the United States.  And that tag line says it all.  "They were always crazy..."  It seems the crazy antics of southern folks seem to make good television. Hijinks and uncouthery ensue.  (Is uncouthery a word?  Yes, I think it is...)

  

SWAMP PEOPLE:  Though it sounds more like a low budget horror movie, this is a show about a small group of people who make a living out on the swamp hunting one of the most dangerous creatures in North America: alligators.  Using nothing but their bare hands and hooks and high test line, these men - and women - catch hundreds of 'gaters each season (and the season only lasts 30 days!) Most importantly, we meet some really unusual characters, not the least of which are a couple of brothers who look like they just stepped out of that aforementioned low budget horror flick. 

Though all three of these shows take place not just in the south, but in Louisiana; there are others such as "Hillbilly Handfishin'" and a new show called "Coal" which are from other areas of the south.  Though I am in the South (and as we all know, not FROM the south) it seems important to note that though these folks may appear a bit odd (such as the aforementioned brothers) these are the salt of the swamp (so to speak).  Folks for whom the swamp is how they make their living, it is a part of their life. 

There is a lot of the South in these shows, but I caution the viewers to realize that these are not indicative of ALL southerners.  (I haven't caught a gater in...well, ever!)   It's the producers of these shows that want you to see these people and in some regards, hold them up to ridicule.  AND, since I have just read that the producers of Jersey Shore are looking for a bunch of southern rednecks for a NEW reality show about the south, I think we can venture a guess that this is a bit closer to the truth. Apparently Unusual = Good TV.  Strange and Wildly Weird = Great TV. These TV Producers will decide what your view may be of the South or Southern Rednecks or at least what it is on these shows.  TV.  Yeah...

Don't mistake my confusion with disdain for these fine Southern folks, for their traditions or for anyone from The South.  I really have no problems with these people or their shows and my wife and I are regular viewers of Swamp People.  My disdain is set squarely on those aforementioned producers who feel that 'Crazy' and 'Southern' go hand in hand and holding them up for ridicule is merely a way of making money.

I prefer to see these fine folks for the good suthun folks that they are.  Unusual, yes.  Different than the rest of us, most assuredly. I just don't want the rest of the world thinking that these are your regular Suthunaz....like me....or like I'd like to be...Or...oh never mind...

Invention Intervention - Southern Campfire Cookin'

Every now and then I come across an invention or new way of doing something which makes us all slap our heads and think "Why didn't I think of that??"  This is one of those things.  How many times have you been out in the forest, looking to do some cooking and have to balance your pans and such on a wonky fire.  Logs going this way and that, gotta find the right spot where the fire will heat evenly and it's a pain!  

This guy is working on Suthun Genius level.  He takes a log and cuts it flat on both ends.  Four cuts with a chain saw (notice how he carefully left the bottom third uncut - that's part of the Suthun Genius at work!)  and it's ready that quick.  A few drops of gas or lighter fluid down the center (I'm guessing at that, I have no real idea how this guy lit that wood on the inside of those cuts) Stuff the cuts with newspaper - leave a tail to light - and the wood is burning in no time, not only giving even heat, but it's got the perfect flat spot on top.  Genius I say, Genius!  

It is probably best to just bring along the chain saw (and gas, don't forget the gas, with the requisite gas/oil mixture) rather than try to guess how many of these you will need for your camp-out and then prepare them ahead of time.  Hauling them in the back of the pickup is the only solution to that.  With the chain saw all you need is a big log or two and you're set for the weekend.

I won't spend a lot of time on how I would probably cut off a limb (or digit)  while attempting this and allow us all to enjoy the master at work.  Suthun Thinking at its finest. 

I Didn't See You There - Easter Edition

Easter in the South is like Easter most everywhere. We get the eggs, the chocolate and the long eared delivery person of said eggs and chocolate.  The other day, (a few weeks before the Eggy Day) I came across this display of Suthun Easter baskets  buckets.  That's right, Easter BUCKETS.  I'm pretty used to the idea of a bucket for egg hunting, much like I'm used to the idea of a pillow case for Halloween trick or treating.  A lot of kids really don't like carrying around a wicker basket so a bucket is a) better and b) cheaper.  Then I looked a bit closer and I saw this: 

Right there in the middle of the second shelf is a nice little display of camouflaged fabric buckets.  I stood and stared at the display for a few minutes, and imagined a scenario where one might want to camouflage their egg hunting in such a way as the bucket would need to be hidden.  I can't.  It's just .... unexpected...

I mean, what is the reason for camouflage on this item?  Is this some sort of hunting paraphernalia? Does one actually have a NEED to hide one's Easter Eggs?  (Aside from when we were kids and my brother Bubba stealing my Hershey's Dark Chocolate Eggs when I wasn't looking.)  I mean....really?  Camouflage? 

And then I looked a bit closer and there, beside it I see a BLUE camouflage bucket.  BLUE. Where does one need a bucket to be camouflaged against a background which resembled the bottom of an above ground pool?  Even if there are eggs down there, why does it need to be hidden? It makes my head hurt.  

I need a nice mocha latte and a nap.  

All in a Day's Work - or 2 or 3

So, like most of the country, I had a nice long weekend this last weekend. It was the big EASTER weekend, and I had even planned for an extra day giving me a nice long FOUR day weekend.  But, as the saying goes "The best laid plans of mice and men, do oft times go awry*." or, even better, the old Hebrew saying  "Man Plans, God Laughs."  Yeah, it was that kind of weekend.  

Friday morning I decided to go out to my shed and "putter' around.  No, it's not a golf term, it means to  occupy oneself in a desultory but pleasant manner, doing a number of small tasks.  (Why, yes, I do have a good vocabulary, thank you for noticing...)  Unfortunately, the shed didn't care for my vocabulary nor for my 'puttering' about and I discovered a huge leak in the roof.  Water damage, tears and anguish abounds.  

So, my weekend was now turned into 'fix the roof of the shed.'  First, remove the old leaky wood and shingles.  

Here is the roof gone...viewed from inside the messy shed. 

Same view from outside the messy shed.  

Now a lot of guys, especially in the South, would call their buddies and everyone with a set of overalls or low rider pants would show up to help fix the roof of the shed. Nope, not me.  First, I like doing this stuff, but more importantly, I don't know that many guys to give a call.  Most of my friends are off working, located in far flung areas of the south, and well, it's got to be done, so there I am, I'm up on the roof, putting wood in by myself.  

Saturday, shingles, shingles and more shingles.  Then on Sunday, more shingles.  Amazing how such a small shed can take me so long to put in shingles.  BUT, with perseverance...and a lot of ice cold water, and not a few pain killers...

Finished.  So Sunday night there I am sitting and trying to keep my aching calves and screaming back from keeping me awake.  The end of day 3 of a 4 day weekend.  That can mean only one thing for my day off on Monday. 

Mow the lawn.  

Sigh......

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Edit to add:  My brother Bubba, the retired English Teacher tells me that the real phrase is "The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men Gang aft agley"  I'm serious. Bubba knows these things.  Someone get me a beer...

Mason Jars as Travel Mugs

Last June, I wrote about using a mason jar as a drinking glass.  I have always found that they are inexpensive and easy to find as well as big enough for the largest of thirsts - usually mine. Now, along comes a nifty little doodad that turns your Mason/Drinking Glass into a Mason/Travel Mug!  It's amazing, it's real and it's available on the internet.  Wait, that's not enough excitement.

It's AMAZING!!  It's REAL! and it's AVAILABLE on the INTERNET!! OH EM GEEE!!  Is that better?  Are you sufficiently excited now? I know I am.

You can find the nifty little doodad (don't ya love that word?) on its own site, cuppow.com.  (No, Bubba, I am not getting any kind of kickback, though with this kind of advertising, I should! ) I won't get into the whole 'cuppow' name, just stick to the fact that this is a great invention. Now you can take your favorite beverage on the road!  The top sort of resembles the standard cup tops you get at the many coffee places that serve coffee to go and the opening is so small that most bees and wasps won't be crawling in while you're walking to work. Of course the Cuppow is also good for those of us to like to sit around in the yard and drink a nice cold beverage, too.

Cold beverage?  A lot of my Suthun Brethren are now contemplating this handy container for that most treasured of beverages - BEER! That lid would keep the bugs out of it while I"m off doing battle in the Yard Wars, too!

The Cuppow is designed to replace the disk that the Mason Jar uses to seal the jar during canning.  Use the old screw-on ring, slip in the Cuppow and in no time, you're off in the car..or bus or train or horse drawn carriage.  Heck, you could even take it on a walk, if you're of a mind. 

A thought, however comes to mind.  We're talking a standard glass jar here. The resemblance to the take-away coffee container means that people (like me) are thinking of using this combo for that most exalted of morning beverages - COFFEE!  (Actually coffee is an anytime beverage in my world.)  BUT-  If you put HOT coffee into a glass jar you had better be sure you have an insulated way of carrying said Hot Glass Mason/Travel Mug or you're going to end up with first degree burns on your fingers if not just a lot of discomfort in carrying your Mason/Travel Mug.    I suppose the next thing that this site will offer is an insulated holder made of silicon to prevent said burns. That would be a good add-on sale and I'm sure that at least I am going to need it.

Wait...let me call my lawyer and see about a copyright first.