Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The 8 Legged Visitor

It may come as no surprise to regular readers (since I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in another post) that I have an almost pathological fear of spiders. It's not something I brag about and in recent years, I've actually become quite adept at killing the ones that dare to enter into my space. (Hammers, shoes and any flat surface become weapons of bug destruction around me!) This last weekend, however, I had a relapse.

There I was, stark naked, just starting my morning shower, when a shadow seemed to move in the corner of my vision.  Always mindful of bugs and yeah, spiders, I turned to see if this was a real shadow, a trick of the light, or perhaps just a mote in my eye moving across the surface.

The shadow, easily the size of a small car, moved up the shower curtain between the curtain and the liner.  Fast.  It was up and over the top of the shower curtain before I could do anything.  So, now it was on the outside of the shower curtain...waiting for me.  And that noise, what was that?  Oh yeah, that was me screaming....and pounding on the wall...and screaming some more. 

My lovely wife, thinking I had just fallen and needed help came running.  She took one look at the spider and began speaking to it as one might speak to a child.,  "Aw, it's just a widdle wolf spider..."  She is Native American and spiders mean a lot to her so she ran out and came back with a container.  She carefully captured the offending mutant arachnid and safely placed it outdoors in the bushes. (It was huge, I swear!   Big...Really Big, you know?)  My pulse slowed to a decent level by the time she got back and I finished my shower.  But I still kept checking the shower curtain for lurkers.  

Twice a year I spray for bugs.  I use a household bug spray that kills when you spray the bug but also is a deterrent in that it has cedar oil in it and the scent chases away bugs and, most importantly, the spiders. The cedar oil causes spiders to come out and run around looking for a new place to live. That's usually when I squash 'em!  Today, I have no idea because we sprayed a good 3 weeks ago.  I may have to reapply, but that also bothers me because they seem to be getting immune to the spray.

My wife actually suggested leaving the giant wolf spider in the bathroom to take care of the other less- er desirable spiders.  Yeah, that's a good idea.  I can just see it now, waking up and finding this spider on my shoulder staring at me like I'm an all-you-can-eat buffet. (Cue more screaming and pounding on the wall.)

For now, the giant mutant-yet-friendly spider has taken up residence in the crawl space.  We don't charge him rent and he's pretty good about not playing loud music after 10 pm.  Now, i just have to find a new spray which won't make the cats sick while keeping a hammer ready for the continuing 8 Legged Roundup.

Life in the South sure is fun.  

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