Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Suthunaz are Smarter Than You Think!

I am sick and tired of hearing from my Nawthun Friends about how dumb people are in the South, and I hereby challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '86 Dodge Diplomat

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Non-Light beers will be consumed before all the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough cut pine. If'n the porch collapses, how many dogs will be injured?

6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances and non-working automobiles to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road in rural Georgia at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. If the temperature is 100 degrees with an average humidity of 85% on a straight 5 mile long road made of aggregate and asphalt, how many empty beer cans will be added to the roadsides in an 8 hour period?

If you got any of these questions right, then you must be a true Suthunuh - cuz I surely didn't.
This weeks post all in fun. Keep laughing. See you next week.

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