Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Mystery of the Cord

There is a talent among Southern men that eludes me no matter how much I try. (I hear ya: So what else is new?) It has to do with wrapping up an electrical cord in such a way that it will not be a tangled mess when you need it next.  Sort of like Christmas lights, only more aggravating.

You see that electrical cord above? That's mine. It's a nice industrial 50' cable in day-glow orange.  I wrapped it carefully using instructions from the Lord High neighbor Bubba himself.  Bubba says that in doing it this way, one should be able to hold the plug end and toss the giant wrapped bunch out away from yourself and the cable will unfurl like a flag in a stiff a river flowing gently (ok, enough of that.)  Once unfurled, you merely pull at either end to take it where it needs to go and the cord is un-kinked, un-knotted and easy to pull to its full length, ready to use.

And yet...when I grab one end and throw, the big bunch only goes about 2 feet and then stops nearly yanking me off my feet.  It suddenly resembles a tangled mess akin to dropping a handful of yarn in a box of hyper kittens.  The bundle then lands unceremoniously with a dull thud right at my feet or worse, ON my feet!  So, now I have to start at one end and carefully tug and pull and pull and tug to get the entire 50 feet of cord un-knotted, un-kinked, un-bundled and laid out to use. If I'm working with Bubba, I have to listen to him snicker the entire time. I can do it, though, but it takes a while.  By then, I'm ready for a nap.

I've worked with Bubba a few times when he's pulled out one of his wrapped cord bundles.  With a casual flair he tosses the bundle out to the side, not even looking at it as it unfurls, flying seemingly under its own power until that cord is laying out with nary a kink or curve. Then, later, I study his moves as he quickly wraps the cable up into a manageable bundle.  I swear it's magic.  

Copy as I might, it never works.  I've had him show me how he does it. I have come to the realization that Bubba is supernatural.  He has the power to control this cable, to weave it into a living creature which reacts at his command. Yes.  Super Bubba.  Alien being from the planet Cabletron...  In truth, it's merely that Southern Gene which gives him the power over tools and barbeque and  beer.  

So, I'll keep trying.  Yet another thing that Southern men can do which I cannot.  What else is new?  

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