Kudzu Critters and The Plight of the Suthun Farmer

It's called KUDZU (K-UH-D-zoo) and it's more than a weed, it's the enemy of the entire south. Not since General Sherman marched to the sea destroying everything in his path has something so single minded taken root in Southern Soil. Kudzu vines are not content to just grow up and around trees, telephone poles and inanimate objects (such as the car above) they grow into the cracks and crevaces making it even harder to get rid of. Not only that, but it grows fast. Take that car, for example. In the springtime, the vines can grow inches over night so this car may have been sitting there for only a few weeks rather than months or years as one might expect. (I hope that the driver got out ok...)

But where did this insideous green plant come from, you ask? (Oh good, you're asking questions, that means you're paying attention) Kudzu was introduced to the United States in 1876 at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The large leaves and sweet-smelling blooms of kudzu captured the imagination of American gardeners who used the plant for ornamental purposes. In the 1920's, the Glen Arden Nursery in Chipley, Florida sold thousands of kudzu plants through the mail. A historical marker there proudly proclaims "Kudzu Developed Here." During the Great Depression of the 1930s, the Soil Conservation Service promoted kudzu for erosion control. It was easy to plant, took to the soil quicky and grew faster than anything else they had. Hundreds of young men were given work planting kudzu through the Civilian Conservation Corps. Farmers were paid as much as eight dollars an acre as incentive to plant fields of the vines in the 1940s. In 1953, however the US Government stopped advocating the use of Kudzu and in 1972, the poor maligned plant was formally declared a weed.

I was first introduced to Kudzu by my daughter on a long trip across the south to visit family. The way in which the plant spread out and covered everything in its path with a blanket of wide leaves created rather startling looking 'monsters' which she was sure were lurking there next to the highway waiting to reach out and grab our car. To keep her creative little mind off "monsters," we nicknamed them 'kudzu critters' (Yes, lower case to keep them friendly) and encouraged her to see friendly 'muppet' like critters in the odd and unusual shapes. Soon she was seeing cute bears, 'agalators' (yes, agalators, I kid you not) and even two headed 'efalumps' as the miles sailed by. To this day I cannot look at a field of Kudzu without thinking of them as critters.

Any Suthunah with more than a bit of land will tell you (in graphic and somewhat colorful language) what a pain Kudzu is to get rid of. You can cut it down and it practically grows back overnight. (There are poems and songs which entreat the southunah to keep the windows closed at night to keep the Kudzu from getting in!) Yet there are recipes (yes, you can eat it!) out there on the internet and people make everything from baskets to paper from the vines. (Oddly, Kudzu.com has nothing to do with the plant...go figure...)

You won't find Kudzu in California (probably because the air is too dry) nor will you find it in New York (probably because of their abrasive attitude). Kudzu is a Suthun plant with Suthun sensibilities. Once invited in, it wants to stick around a while. So, the next time you're on a drive through the Smokies or across the delta, look for the friendly Kudzu critters and tell them I said Hi.

High Tech Redneck

Don't you just hate that? I had written up a great entry for this blog and then saved it on my flash drive. I then decided to do some re-organization of my backups for this same drive and somehow deleted it. I am kicking myself all over the room!

I am a computer tech by trade. I spend my days answering questions on computers and working to keep computers running. I know all about drives and backups and can repair most computers with one hand tied behind my back. So you can imagine how much this really irritates me. The most irritating thing is that I have to listen to a co-worker rattle on how to keep from deleting files in the future. (Yes, Yes, I know all this, but he has to go on and on about it.)

My co-worker is a real suthunah... let's call him Bubba. (not that this is his name, I just like the name Bubba and it seems to fit and since this is my blog, Bubba it is!) Bubba is what I refer to as the High Tech Redneck Suthunah. Not only is he a computer tech, but he's one of those guys who has to get the newest gadget when it comes out.

He's got an Iphone, and has all the services for it. (He's even got an ap which will make sounds like a Star Wars Light Saber when you move it around!) He's got a big portable drive on which he keeps all his movies, in both regular and Iphone format. At home he's got a wireless network for both his computers (his entire family's computers) and his gaming boxes, and he carries a laptop with a cellular connection. If he could find a way to connect his computer to his Harley and be able to get to his files at home AND at the office while riding in the Smokey Mountains, I'm sure he'd be the one to do it. (In fact, he may have done it already and just not told me about it!)

You see, most people think of being suthun as being backward, or behind the times. I've mentioned this before. Everyone thinks that it's sweet tea and honeysuckle vines and the thought of The South having a wireless remote for the TV is as foreign as Blintzes and Borscht. Bubba puts those thoughts in the ground with his Blue Tooth headsets (yes, plural, as he has one set for home and another for the office and another for riding on the aforementioned Harley.) High Tech is not a Northern affectation.

So, welcome to the New South, with it's crossover artists and it's High Tech Gentlemen like Bubba. Me, I'll just be over here whittling me a new thumb drive...maybe one that won't let me delete important blog entries again.

The Suthunah and Technology

When you think of the South, you probably think of Nascar as being the most technological thing in their (our?) realm. Suthunahz (someday I may have to find a standard spelling for that...but I digress...) Suthunahz aren't wary of technology, they are more concerned with the quality of life than with the quality of their TV. Because of that, the Suthunah is looked upon as a backward ignoramus.

We know better, now don't we..
To the Suthunah, getting there is more important than the electronic doohickey that gets you there. Directions written out are the original GPS without the S. (Look it up...)

And while we're at it, how about the Original Suthun Palm Pilot...
The other thing that the Suthunah does is laugh. All my Southern friends and neighbors will look at these and laugh, because along with their laid back sensibilities, they have a great sense of humor about life and themselves. I'm sure they tell jokes about their displaced Suthun-wannabe-neighbor (ME) too.

New Years in the New 'Old' South

New Years in the South is different than anywhere else. They do things differently than the rest of the country. Mainly it's in the way that they treat family, which if you know Suthunaz, their family is anyone they know. It's that 'extended family' thing that's goin' on. New years is as much a time for family (EXTENDED family) than anytime else. Oh sure, you can go out and get a nice dinner and then a show with just about any type of live entertainment you want. Country, Punk Rock, Classic Rock - Nashville even has its own Coyote Ugly! Now that's a way to celebrate!

Growing up, I remember watching Dick Clark on TV and drinking sparkling Grape Juice out of paper cups. When I got to be an adult, my celebration changed to a night out on the town and good champagne in glass flutes. When I got to Nashville, I attended one of these big New Years Extended Family Celebrations and when the big clock on the wall had struck 12 and hugs and kisses were passed out, there came a time for eating. It was here that I discovered something no one has written about in Suthun Celebrations.

A table was brought out, with steam tables and heat lamps keeping warm what we had to eat: Black Eyed Peas and Cornbread. I thought this was unusual, but everyone else dug in, so I had to ask. Seems this is a big tradition in the US South, so I happily complied.

Eating black-eyed peas on New Year's Day is thought to bring prosperity in the coming year. The peas are typically cooked with a pork product for flavoring (such as bacon, ham bones, fatback, or hog jowl), diced onion, and served with a hot chili sauce or a pepper-flavored vinegar.

This traditional first meal of the new year can also feature collard, turnip, or mustard greens, and ham. The peas, since they swell when cooked, symbolize prosperity; the greens symbolize money; the pork, because pigs root forward when foraging, represents positive motion. Cornbread also often accompanies this meal.

These "good luck" traditions date back to the American Civil War better known in these parts as the War of Northern Aggression. Union troops, especially in areas targeted by General William Tecumseh Sherman, typically stripped the countryside of all stored food, crops, and livestock, and destroyed whatever they couldn't carry away. At that time, Northerners considered "field peas" and field corn suitable only for animal feed, and didn't steal or destroy these humble foods. It was these 'leftovers' that gave rise to the traditions we see today.

Every day I live here, I love the south more.

Happy New Year to you all (or it is Y'all...I can never tell) Oh and save me some Cornbread and Black Eyed Peas!

Christmas Decorations Suthun Style

Tis the season to be Jolly, tis the season to hang Holly, or, in the case of my Suthun friends, other more interesting decorations seem in order. Take, as a starter, this great Christmas Tree....made out of standard 55 Gallon drums.


Suthunas make do. They see the need and fill in. Can't afford a tree or maybe you want something a bit different this year? Then make do with what you have handy....like a 10 foot step ladder.


No outdoor decorations handy? Then fill in with something else red. Say a volkswagon Bug...

(One really has to marvel at the feat of engineering which put that VW Bug up on that wire. )

Suthunuz and Snow

When I first moved to the South, I had visions of Thanksgiving in sandals, outdoor barbecues on Christmas and basically spending all my time in short sleeved Hawaiian Shirts. I never knew it got so cold here! The first time I stepped out of the door and found a light dusting of snow, I thought I was having a flashback.

Yes, Nashville gets snow, COLD snow. When I left Colorado, I gave away my wool lined snow boots, my down filled parka and my heavy ski gloves and here I am now freezing my heiny off. (And I haven't got a lot of heiny to lose!) Yet another part of living in the south which I had to learn to love.

In Colorado when it snows you get this beautiful light powder. When it snows in the south, it gets ICY. The snow is wetter here and under that snow can be a sheet of solid ice that will knock you on your aforementioned heiny! (Again, not fun, very little heiny to land upon, and ouch!) The snowflakes are so heavy they don't glide softly down to the ground, they drop to the ground like soft hail, and can nearly knock you off your feet with the impact.

Now, if the weather is going to be bad, whether in Colorado or Nashville, you don't want to be on the roads, so it's a good idea to stock up on some comfort food before it hits, maybe some snacks, and of course, some movies. So, the wife and I head out to the store only to find that EVERYONE is at the store! But the only thing they are buying is Milk and Bread. That's it, just bread and milk. Seriously. Grocery Carts full of bread and milk. Really. Right after the announcement that the snow is coming the stores fill up, people buying 3 and 4 gallons of milk and matching bread. It's like some sort of apocalyptic (or is it apoplectic?) memo of which I was not privy.

Yet, it gets stranger. I turned on the TV that first fall and was watching the weather when I heard them say that the prediction for the next day was for snow. At the same time, they began listing those schools who would be closed. Did you catch that? They were closing the schools in anticipation of snow! When I was a kid in Colorado, snow would have had to pile up and cover the capital rotunda before they even CONSIDERED closing schools, and even then it was a coin toss. I was in awe of these suthunaz.

At the time my brother (Bubba) had just started teaching high school in Denver, so I had to call him and tell him all about it. He thought I was joking. It became a yearly tradition for me to call him the first time this happened each year. Every year he laughed. (He laughs at me a lot, but I'm sure it's just because he's so jolly...maybe.)

I have learned over the years that Nashville had a very bad ICE storm the winter before I arrived in Nashville. The storm came across so quickly and so heavily during the day that students ended up stranded in the schools overnight because the buses couldn't drive on the ice shrouded roads. The school district took it on the chin and made the decision to close the schools when the weather report looked bad. Can't blame them. (My kids had nightmares of school during the day. Can you imagine being told that they had to SLEEP there overnight?)

The only problem now is that Bubba has retired from teaching and when I call him about the schools being closed, he really doesn't care. He still laughs though. Go figure.

Suthun Ingenuity

One of the things which makes being a Suthunah so exciting is that Suthunahs are untouched by the idea of what an item is used for. They can look at anything and find yet another use for it.

Take for example, the above picture. Out at the park, wanting a hot meal, and no grate on the grill. No problem. Look around and there in the far corner, some homeless guy has left a shopping cart. Shopping carts are made of....Bingo.

What I also love about this is that they didn't take the time to cut the shopping cart apart. (And we all know they had a truck full of tools with which to do it.) They left the shopping cart intact, perhaps knowing that once they completed their rural meal, they'd release the shopping cart back into the wild to allow it to continue it's life of duty to the homeless.

I just hope they washed it real good beforehand.