Idol Hands are the Devils Playground..or something like that...

Do you watch Idol? Or any of the Idol like shows? (Pop Star, Australian Idol, Bangladesh Idol...etc) I told myself I wasn't going to watch the first year, and I didn't. But something happened in the 2nd year, and I ended up catching the tryouts. I was hooked.

There is something about the absolutely horrible singer trying out for a competition of this stature which makes me want to watch. The Proverbial Train Wrech scenario could be used here. My wife and I both watch, we look at each other and utter those same words uttered world wide: What makes them think they should enter? (An oh my lord there have been some BAD BAD singers!)

Worse than that, I find myself blaming NOT the singers who are horrid and try out. But I blame those friends who hear their friend sing and say encouragingly "Oh yeah, you should try out for Idol!" With friends like those, who needs idol!

You'd think that after 7 and now in the middle of the 8th season, that these well meaning friends would be honest. "Oh, honey, you sing like an elephant in heat! No, dear, that's not a good thing. No, really, not a good thing. Stay home, watch the show, but don't try out. No, I don't care what outfit, your singing is not good enough." But no. What we continue to get are people whose voice could break wood and that wide eyed stare of shock when the judges laugh.

And speaking of "You'd think..." You'd think that after these years, people would KNOW how to audition! I swear (and have on many occasions) I could coach someone to stardom in what to do on Idol. ESPECIALLY for the auditions!
1.) Choose a good song, one in your range. Do NOT sing your own song. I don't care if you spent 3 years writing the epic thing, sing something the judges know.
2.) Dress appropriately. No bikinis, no wild outfits. Dress like you normally would to go to a concert. (Yeah, makes you think doesn't it?)
3.) Don't dance. You can move a bit to the music, but don't dance.
4.) Did I say that enough? Do NOT Dance. I don't care of you make MC Hammer look like a piker, do not attempt any sort of dance.
5.) When it's over, it's over. Stop singing. Do NOT sing another song. No, Tatiana, stop singing, I mean it, stop. Now.
6.) Don't yell, threaten or scream at the judges. They DO know what they're doing. Ok, so Paula may have a bit of trouble stringing words together, but these judges have what you don't have: experience. On the way out, don't say "You've not heard the last of me!" unless you are trying to get into the clip real.

See? Good voice, well chosen song and do it right.
But, even with all this, I know I'll see it all again this coming January when the thing starts again. (For the last time? who knows.....)