Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Attack of the Tunneler!

Deep into the Lawn Wars, I've found a new Nemesis! Yes, with the capital letter and all! It all started last year, in a small area beside the house, the side with the big heat/air unit.  The ground felt...well...squishy.  As I walked behind the mower, my steps sunk into the lawn in certain areas.

My response: what the-?  My wife, the erstwhile naturalist and manga cum wilderness knew more. Mole. No, not one of those brown bumps on your arms (or elsewhere) these are little burrowing varmints that make little tunnels in your greenery and eat the worms.  Now, the good Lawn Ranger knows that worms help aerate the lawn, thus giving more water to those areas that need it.  The mole had to go.

My online research gave me little.  No, I'm not using chemicals and no, I don't want to trap it.  I want to get rid of the destruction, yes, but research says that there is little you can do other than spraying your entire yard with castor oil. The best answer seemed to be just stomp down their tunnels on a regular basis and they move on. So for several days I dutifully got on my big boots and stomped up and down the tunnels.

And. Amazingly. It. WORKED!  The mole was gone! Huzzah Huzzah! I danced in the street.  Oh but this spring, I have a new area - somewhat bigger than the other, but more tunnels.  Curses!  The little rodent had merely moved!  (Cue wild thrashing of limbs and gnashing of teeth.)

So, the war begins anew.  With one minor change.  This year, I am using a time honored and storied remedy. Juicy Fruit Gum.  Yes, you read that right. Juicy Fruit Gum. 

Wrigley's Juicyfruit Chewing Gum - 40 / Box 
Handed down from my father-in-law to my magna-cum-wilderness spouse, Juicy Fruit Gum is said to a) attract and b) kill such things as moles and gophers.  The trick to the entire thing is to NOT get any of your human scent on the gum.  Using gloves you roll the gum up or twist it up into a worm shape. Moles and gophers love the smell of Juicy Fruit and love to eat worms. Then you just stick it into the tunnels that are used most.  (Without gleefully cackling too much, or getting your evil human scent on anything nearby. They eat the gum.  And. Die.  (Cue more dancing in the street amid evil cackling...)

I have only just begun my wars with the evil Roedor de la C├ęspede*, but know this: The South shall win this war.  Mark my words.  The South shall WIN!

*Rodent of the Lawn

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