Monday, April 12, 2010

Suthun Man's Car Alarm (and most anything else)

The true suthun man owns a dog. (Perhaps yet another reason that my membership has been delayed? Cats just don't seem to make it...) The real suthun man's best friend is a member of the family, it goes where they go, does what they do. Goin Fishin? Got the dog right here to keep away the critters. Goin to the store? Got the 'car alarm' right here to look after the stuff in the truck bed.

It is noted herein, and ever more (don't ya love legal like language?) that those vile creatures who exile their dog to the back yard, or the car lot (we won't even go into those jerks who use dogs for fighting, and save that rant for someone better suited) should be hung with a length of chain and left to the wolves.

In our neighborhood we have now two of these wanna be suthunaz who own dogs. I use the term DOG here quite loosely as these little yappy stomachs on legs are in no way related to the type of dogs that a real suthun man has. Suthun Men go for Labradors, German Shepherd and the like - even the now well known Heinz 57. (Aka MUTT for those who are struggling with the phrase.) The dog's size being more important than the actual lineage. My neighbors have gone with the type of dog you can hear, but not see. They are so short and small that a blush of daisies will obscure them completely until they move. The one way to find them is to track their constant YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant...YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant...YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant (I would type this out for a few lines, but just reading it puts my teeth on edge.) My lovely Wife is kept up most of the night by these little [expletive deleted for the sake of the children] and even calling and asking them to take care of the demonettes doesn't seem to stop it. They stop it at the time, but as soon as everyone is back in bed....YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant...YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant...YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant...

And while I'm on to it, why is it that everyone in the neighborhood can hear these little rat-dogs when the owners are the closest and can't seem to hear a dog gone thing? Ok OK, enough of my ranting.

If you own one of those ...YAP-YAP-YAP...pant pant THINGS, treat it like your kids. TAke it in the house at night and put it to bed where no one can hear it. And during the day, send it away to dog school or something so we don't have to put up with that constant ...YAP-YAP-YAP...YAP-YAP-YAP... Or at least my wife doesn't have to put up with it.

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