And no, I don't own a boat.
I've known a lot of folks here in the South that own boats. Bubba owns a boat, my friend James owns three boats which he keeps at three different locations so he doesn't have to tow them. Me? No boat. As much as it seems fun to own a boat, I don't. I can imagine having one for zipping along the water, pulling water skiers, or perhaps getting into those back areas for that all important fishing that I don't do, or maybe since the Cumberland river is less than a mile away, I could forgo the 58 foot limo (read: city bus) to get me to work and take a boat right on down town along the river! No. No boat.
Someone once told me that the definition of a boat is a hole in the water into which you throw money. Yeah, that makes me want to own one. Another friend said that Boat is really an acronym for Break Out Another Thousand. Oh, my, I really need one of these now! Money seems to be the defining feature for most former boat owners. Or rather the boat's need for more money. Insurance, towing trailer, licenses, fees and assorted maintenance, which I probably couldn't do myself, all take too much money. That's right, break out another thousand.
Now, don't get me wrong. I've found myself many times wondering what it would be like to have a boat, out on the water, cooler temps and smooth sailing. I've even perused the local boat dealerships and online photos of great boats. I do not, of course, look at the price tags. But beyond the acronyms and jokes, I've never really understood the need for a boat if you don't fish (I don't) or water ski (I don't) or own a trailer hitch (I don't.)
Yes, yes, yes, I know, all that would come with the ownership of a boat, but I just can't see the real need for something that, for me, would just sit in my driveway and cause arguments with the wife. Who am I kidding, it's probably just my non southern DNA proving once again I don't belong in the honored and storied group known as Good Ol' Boys. It's the Not so Southern Cross I must bare.