TV or Not TV, that is the Question

Security guys relaxing on the steps...

Just the other day I was walking down to Broadway and took the photo above.  For those of you who don't know what you're seeing there, it's a whole parking lot of trailers used by production companies during filming of movies and TV shows.  Ok, so by now it's no secret that there is a new  TV show based on the music industry being filmed right here in Nashville, cleverly entitled "Nashville."  And if you've seen the show, then you know that apparently we here in Nashville spend our days worrying about hipster vocalists and big bubble breasted blond country singers and how they hate each other and sleep with... well... everyone.  

Same parking lot, different view.

As much as I enjoy seeing a well done TV show with lots of drama and good acting, I'm not going to watch "Nashville."  For one thing, there is more to Nashville than the Music Industry.  They could have called it "Music" for all the real view of Nashville that is shown. And to be sure, 'Country' music is the true base of this endeavor. Oh yes, they show some hipster vocalists out in some dark dank bar performing hipster music of some sort but this whole 'music for drama's sake' just doesn't sit well with me.

Now, to be sure, let's also note that the show is filmed here, in Nashville, and that the sound stages are just north of town, where they have recreated such venerable institutions as the Bluebird Cafe with a high degree of accuracy (as if that makes up for the storylines.)  Ok, so I hate this new show.  I hate that people think THIS is truly my southern home. It's not.  Nashville is so much more than the music, the SOUTH is more than the music genre and I would hope that YOU my readers know that from the hundreds of posts I have made on the subject.  

Oh look at that, across the street equipment
trailers disgorging their innards...

Now, you can go ahead and watch the show.  Enjoy the performances and watch the aforementioned bubble breasted blonds bed hopping through an hour long drama. As for me, I'll refrain from watching due to my own sensibilities and love of my southern home.

I only hope that the rest of my southern neighbors feel the same.  

Southern Repurposing

The other day, my wife and I were enjoying an afternoon at our local Used Item Store when I came upon a utility type of item I had been searching for.  It is the belt above.  It's made of black nylon webbing, with several loops for holding accessories.  In addition, it has great solid metal hooks at both ends - perfect for what I had in mind.  

A little over a year ago, I purchased a new string trimmer.  As much as I love my new string trimmer, I really hated the fact that it did not come with the shoulder support.  A shoulder support allows you to carry the item around the yard longer without straining the muscles in your forearms, and allows you to keep it at a standard height as you work.  

The new belt is long enough and adjustable for just this need!  And the price tag of $1.99 made it an easy decision.  I took it home and proudly placed it beside the string trimmer for use later this fall (or next spring if the weather turns cold quick - which it can in the South ...hmmm digress much?)

As I got to looking at the belt, and as I'm marveling at my luck in finding it so inexpensively, I wondered at its original use since it came with no particular label or use indication. What wonderful tool or utilitarian ensemble would have this belt as part of it? It seems perfect for a string trimmer, but part me of thought that perhaps it was a shoulder belt for a hunter.  It's trimmed in orange, has loops that would hold extra shells and that nylon webbing is heavy duty enough to withstand the worst that any hunter can throw at it while tracking that fresh kill through the underbrush.  Now, imagine my surprise when I find this on the internet:  

That's right, it's a toy.  Or rather, it's an accessory for a toy and by toy, I mean those nifty little toy guns by NERF that shoot bullet shaped sponge-like projectiles.  It's all so Little Boopsey can hole-up in the back yard with extra ammunition and take on the kids from down the street without having to scramble around picking up used Nerf projectiles!  And here I am going to use it in my Lawn Arsenal. 

This is Southern Re-purposing at its finest. Re-purposing this belt to be useful in my Lawn wars, well, that's the whole idea behind Used Item Stores!  I mean, it's not like I'm using a Pringles Can to repair the air in take on my car...

I Didn't See You There - In the Bedroom!

Ok, I am officially dumbfounded. Found dumb, struck senseless and somewhat higgledy piggledy.  The above picture was sent to me by a known Suthun Associate with the note "WANT".  (For those of you without the understanding, this Southern friend wanted me to know that he (or she) really wanted this set of camouflaged sheets.)  

SHEETS.

Did you hear me?  Camouflaged SHEETS?  Along with comforter, drapes  pillows and maybe even matching pajamas, too.  They are verifiably aquiver with the idea of having this in their home.  To which, of course I immediately remarked, What?  The! Ever! Lovin? HECK???

Me, I'd be afraid I'd go to lay down and find myself stretched out on the dresser because I couldn't find the bed.  Yeah, can't find it CUZ IT'S CAMOUFLAGED!  

Ok, Ok, I know what you're all saying. It's just a pattern, someone is showing off their love of camping, hunting and blending in with the flora.  Perhaps this means you could take this set and set up your bed in the wilderness while camping and not worry about some Deer being spooked by your sleeping arrangement.  

I think for me, I'll stick to regular sheets so I don't have to play a game with the wife at bedtime.  

"I'm over here, dear, waiting for you!"

"Where?" 

"Marco!"

"Polo...you're getting warmer. NO, that's the laundry hamper..."

Welcome to the Rock

Nashville is built on rock. Solid rock.  Nowhere is this more evident than downtown, where the buildings crowd up against the river. Even the outlaying areas must be mindful of this fact, which is why you see very few in ground pools.  It takes a lot of effort and not a few sticks of explosive to get rid of the rock.

This last week, the building in which I toil for the man has begun construction of additional space for parking. Underground parking. Are you ahead of me on this?  This means that they must first dig out the aforementioned rock.  The parking lot beside the building has become ground zero for this activity, centered around two giant pieces of equipment.  The first is pictured above, a large claw machine (no quarters accepted!)

Second, here you can see the real culprits which have now affected my day.  (Effected?  Affected?... gotta call Bruthah Bubba on the Grammer-Phone! - Bubba says "Effected."  We can continue, now.) Anyway, these are two very large jackhammers.  I'm sure they probably have their own name, or code word or nickname or some other way of referring to them that makes good ol' boys squeal like a 12 yr old girl at a Justin Beiber concert.

It started as they tore down the old loading dock. Noise. Vibration. And the two in combination, you can only imagine! Remember back in high school there was always a couple of kids who thought they were drummers and would pound rapidly (and loudly) on their desk in a very misguided attempt at the drum solo in The Surfari's "Wipe Out."* Staring off into space, mouth a grim, tight line of determination.  Conversations came to an abrupt end as you could hear or feel nothing but a giant muddled rumble in the study hall floor as the unevenly balanced desks transferred this mad, loud (and bad) frenetic pounding into the floor and across the room. That's what this is like, only 100 times worse. It's like the School of Amateur Drummers has set up auditions outside my office and they are all doing the same drum solo but they each started at a different time.

The result can be felt throughout the entire building and then some. The really hard part is that there is no place I can go, no way to get a respite from it all.  It's not like I can take the next 18 months off.  (Yeah, Boss, I'm going to be needing a few paid days off....about 550 days to be exact. Am I sick?  Ok, let's go with that.)

18 months.  My nerves are already like mush....and they haven't even started blasting yet.

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If, for some unknown reason (read: you're too young) you haven't heard the Surfari's "Wipe Out" you can hear it by clicking here;

Hardware Touristas

It was last Saturday when I drove by my local Hardware Store (pictured above) and saw the most amazing thing. Now, I knew that many a tour bus headed into our fair city laden with Tourists (with the requisite capital 'T') and not a few music acts. Most of the music acts head downtown and most of the Tourists head to the local Outlet Malls and other - let's not call them Tourist Traps, let's refer to them as "Local Centers of Attractive Tourist Type Activities."  (Maybe a few of my 'fans' come to see me? No? Ah, well...) Here we have not one, but TWO big tour buses parked at my very own local big box Hardware Store (also with the requisite capital letters. I like Capital Letters.  So sue me.)

What's up at the Big Hardware Store? Looking for Hardware?  Two buses worth? Me, I don't think so.  I think they are all in there looking AT hardware not looking for it.  Y'see, the big Hardware Store is one of those places that I can go walking through just to see the sights.  When I have time (read: I'm alone) I'll hit every aisle and side and view every display and end cap.  It's one of the few things that I have in common with my mother in law. Yes, you read that right, my Mother In Law. We can turn a quick trip to the Hardware Store into an afternoon and not spend a dime. Bring along a snack and make a day of it!

I was over at the Big Box Hardware Store to pick up some pieces I needed to finish a gutter on the side of the house.  While I was there, I looked at some tools, (more like drooled over some new tools) along with a new work bench and a pair of suspenders for my work pants but I never did see any large groups of people with cameras maybe following dutifully along after a tour guide walking backward speaking loudly.  (Maybe I could hire myself out?)

The aforementioned gutter is all fixed up, but I didn't get back in time to see what the tourists bought while they wandered (If'n they bought anything at all.) Maybe I'll see them next year when they come back for the reunion tour.

Hey, it could happen. Anything is possible here in the South.  

The Legacy of Thunder Road

When I was a kid, one of my favorite movies was Thunder Road, starring Robert Mitchum.  Not so much for the storyline of a young kid driving a fast car to deliver his father's homemade 'white lightning,' but for the theme song.  Mitchum–who not only starred in the movie, but also produced the film, co-wrote the screenplay, and is rumored to have directed much of the film himself also co-wrote (with Don Raye) and performed the theme song, "The Ballad of Thunder Road."  If you've not heard it, go find it on youtube or something and give it a listen. Very powerful.

Ok, so now let's get back to that illegal brew that young man had in his trunk.  Moonshine, also called white lighting, mountain dew, hooch, "Tennessee white whiskey", and many other names is a very high proof beverage,190 proof (95% alcohol), distilled spirit. Made in the woods, using an illegal still, this mountain beverage got its name from the fact that most of the original distillers did their work 'by the light of the moon.' And now, all legal like, comes this new stuff. And does it have a kick!

I will go on record and say that I do not drink. At least not anymore. Oh sure, there was a time when I drank, and wore lampshades on my head and danced like a mechanical monkey on crack, but there are no films of it, so I can say it never happened.  Though the main reason I stopped all that nonsense is that I hated waking up with a headache and covered in my own vomit.  Isn't THAT a pretty picture?

Wow, do I digress.  Ok, so no drinking, we got that, now let's get back to the stuff above. Legal White Lightening, named Ole Smokey Moonshine, this is the best quality hard (and I do mean HARD) liquor you can buy.  No one else makes it, and it's made right here in the South, just a hoot and a holler from downtown Gatlinburg, Tennessee.  

This hard Moonshine (with the requisite capital M) comes in Apple Pie, Peach and regular old take-the- paint-off-your-undershorts Original Moonshine Clear White Corn Whiskey.  I'm pretty sure a gulp of this would turn anyone into a Good Ol' Boy, though it may take a couple of jugs for guys like me.  

Best Legal Moonshine you can find.  Only here in the South! 

The Southern Man's Tool Box - Addendum 1

Not too long ago I finalized my look at the Suthun Man's Toolbox (and additions) with a nice list of items that every Good Ol' Boy needs to keep handy. Then, this last weekend I took a trip under the house. (As any regular reader will tell you, taking a trip under my house ranks just above a root canal, and just below listening to Rap Music.)

But besides my trepidation in going under the house, I found a new item to add to the handy tool kit. For one of the myriad of projects I had to take care of under the house, I had taken a can of expanding foam to do a couple of spots and realized that if I didn't use the entire can, the foam would fill up and dry out the applicator thus ending it's use.  The applicator appears to be a 'one use' sort of thing. So, I got to thinking, what can I take along to clean and preserve that applicator tip?

History Time: Many years ago I smoked a pipe. I also owned a Pipe and Tobacco Shop - two of them in fact. Because of the mosquitoes this week, I had taken out one of my old trusty pipes to keep the flying varmints at bay. Along with the pipe, I also took along the usual pocket accouterments: tamper, matches and a pack of Pipe Cleaners. What a wonderful addition to the tool kit! It's an absorbent cleaner, it's a flexible wire! It's two tools in one! What a wonder! I used one to clean the applicator for the foam not once but TWICE!  I also used one to wire some things in place while I worked.

My wife can use them to wire plants in place, I can wire cords together to clean up that octopus under the desk and I can even make little pipe cleaner critters for the grandkids. This is the perfect item to keep handy.  And, let's be sure, because that's the kind of Suthener we all aspire to be: there are three kinds of pipe cleaners. Along with the fluffy ones that are absorbent (regular AND tapered), there are thin ones with very little fuzz on them, and - my favorite - the Ream 'N Clean. This is a soft cleaner with plastic fibers implanted for a good deep clean - perfect for your tool-kit!

Perfect for the Suthun Man's Toolkit!